When one of our children takes initiative and expresses an opinion, or asks for permission to go somewhere, or enroll in a course, or buy something for a particular purpose, or wishes to have a pet, and we tell him “no” and make him feel guilty for asking, we close the windows of life before him. Dr. Daniel Siegel says in his book The Yes Brain: “The word ‘yes’ is more than just a word. It is an expression of our very being with our children and of the way we communicate. It is the gateway to positivity, optimism, curiosity, courage, flexibility, and personal growth for our children.” There are many positive actions and expressions that our children display which we must pay attention to and respond with “yes.” There is a wide space in the life of our son or daughter where we can agree with them without crushing their spirit. We can agree with them on many choices that cause them no harm when we say “yes,” including many permissible things, or even sometimes disliked things they lean toward or choose. If you are not convinced by their request, avoid saying “no” immediately. Engage them in gentle dialogue so they can express their needs and thoughts. If you want to refuse, refuse gently while conversing with them to convince them. Let your refusal be the exception among the many times they hear the word “yes” in their life with you. “Yes, I agree with you,” said with a smile, encourages them to discover the world and discover themselves, nurturing their growth and personal brilliance. Remember that oppression and suppression are the two main causes behind all negative behavior. Suppression teaches our son or daughter to rebel against us and lose the ability to distinguish between rebelling against what is wrong and rebelling against what is right, including rebelling against our religious, cultural, and moral system. Then we wonder why our son refuses to listen to us, or why our daughter does not want to wear the hijab, and why, and why. We should not say “no” simply because we heard it repeatedly from our own parents, or because we imagine that saying it gives us value in their eyes. Be mindful of your reaction, for the price of unawareness will be high. Follow along and share with us: How many times did you say “yes” today? And how many times did you say “no”? Toward a positive character. Written by A. Maha Shehadeh